Weight, perception, and health
Hey there,
I’m gonna include a trigger warning here at the start as this post is about weight/eating.
These pictures were taken when I was sixteen years old on my first holiday with my two best friends.
I look at them now and I feel so sad at the Katie staring back at me.
Because when I look at these pictures I see a healthy looking teenage girl.
But the Katie in these pictures? She looked in the mirror and saw a whale.
For a bit of context, I reached my full height at the age of ten. I’ve not grown an inch since. Which means I was a 5ft 7 girl when I joined secondary school and for quite some time everybody was shorter than me — it was only later on that the boys and girls in my classes got taller than me. Being the tallest during those years always made me feel like a giant and I was always really conscious of my weight.
On this holiday, there are so many pictures where I hid behind the other two girls because I didn’t want to be seen fully. They were both petite and what I’d classed at the time as ‘skinny’ and I’d have given anything to look like them.
Since these pictures, I’ve struggled with my weight and a cycle of binge eating for years. From 2018 to 2020 I lost 70lbs, and was my lowest weight in years by March 2020.
I’m sure you can guess what comes next.
I gained all 70lbs back and some.
I am once again back down 40lbs and am on my way to getting to my pre-covid weight once more.
It’s been a long journey, and I’ve had to do a lot of work on my brain and why I feel the way I do. It isn’t easy and there are hard days, but I’m determined to keep going for nobody else but me.
Weight and health and everything in between is such a personal journey, yet a universal one, and I know that nearly everybody out there can relate to it in their own way.
You are beautiful and loved. No matter what.
Until next time,
